-Review by Paul Ewbank-
Reviewing a film called Surf Nazis Must Die seems a tad pointless. This article is basically just me letting you know that this film exists, and it is exactly what you think it’s gonna be. Knowing that, your reaction will either be to download a copy from some illicit site, or to run a million miles in the other direction. If the former, then you’re going to get exactly what you paid for. If the latter, you aren’t missing a whole lot.
So as moot as a plot synopsis might seem for something like this, I might as well write something. Earthquakes have devastated…some coastal city or other and now several factions of surfers are vying for control of the beaches. We have the Surf Samouri- nunchuk wielding Japanese hardasses, some fairly poncy guys in effeminate shirts with floral patterned surfboards, and, of course, the Surf Nazis (who must die). The Nazis kill this black dude called Leroy and his elderly mother goes all psycho-revenge-monster on them. And thus all the Surf Nazis Must Die.
If there’s one thing that lets this film down more than the shoddy acting, liberal use of stock footage, lacklustre action, unbelievably dumb plot and awful 80s synth soundtrack, it’s that the Surf Nazis aren’t even proper Nazis. I had images of WW2 era Germans in full SS uniform shooting the curl on some sunny California beach, riding inland to advance the Third Reich one inflatable dingy store at a time. But no, these guys are just your typical beach bum losers who just happen to have swastikas crayoned onto their clothes. They have a cool van though- with some bigass jaws painted on the front and a little fin on top.
Another annoying thing was that at no point did the so called Surf Nazis (must die) ever seem like any real threat. There’s, like, five of them! A strong bout of flu could put their entire operation out of action for a week! And yet they’re shown terrorising an entire city with their harpoon guns and pointy tipped surfboards. That’s another way you’d be safe from them: just stay away from the beach. They’re powerless on land!
But hey, I’m not one to hate on a film unnecessarily. There are some laughs to be had here. There’s this Hitler Youth equivalent consisting of a few ragtag kids who do the Surf Nazi’s bidding (apparently unaware that Surf Nazis Must Die). At one point one of them runs up to an old lady and steals the watermelon she is holding. Does their debauchery know no limits? Later on there’s a really random reference- when Leroy attacks one of the Nazi dudes and slams him against a bit of wall, the album cover of King Crimson’s In the Court of the Crimson King is graffiti’d on the wall. Whoever made this film was into surfing, killing Nazis and 60s prog, apparently. Liz pointed out that the graffiti might have been there already and they just thought it was cool. Perhaps assuming there are references in this film is thinking too highly of the makers.
The main thrust of the film, and the main way in which Surf Nazis Must Die is at the hands of Leroy’s Mother, who is the walking embodiment of a black stereotype in every conceivable way. Seeing her hobble down the beach in pursuit of armed, muscular men is admittedly pretty hilarious, especially as all the Nazis seem to be terrified of her. The funniest bit is when the last remaining Surf Nazis try to make their escape by hopping on their boards and very slowly swimming out to sea. If I were Leroy’s old lady (not sure if she ever gets a name) I’d have just waited for the tide to take ‘em back in. Would’ve saved the trouble of hijacking a boat.
So yeah. To comment on the numerous plot holes and blatant costume inconsistencies between shots is almost beside the point. Attempting to apply any kind of serious critical analysis to a film called Surf Nazis Must Die is to give it more consideration than it really merits. Suffice to say that if this is your particular brand of nonsense, then help yourself. It’s absolutely awful, but you already knew that.
[added bit from Liz] Though Surf Nazis Must Die is most certainly not going to win any Oscars, it isn’t actually that bad a watch! I mean it is TERRIBLE, but GOOD terrible if that makes sense – especially if you have alcohol. It is so ludicrous that it is actually enjoyable and we managed to sit through the whole film which is more than can be said for some other films ( e.g Fahrenheit 451) I think the thing that annoyed me most was the poor audibility of the dialogue – which did make things a little hard to follow at times. But yeah – if you are the sort of person who holds late night movie marathons and was wondering what to watch now you have seen Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, then put down Sharktopus and give this a watch instead. Oh, I also added pictures – because pictures are fun 🙂 and have a trailer http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094077/?ref_=sr_2