I know It’s been a while since I last posted on here, what with moving house, changing jobs and getting married, but I am back, and I figured what better way to ease me back in than with a pointless and probably disputable list of food and drink to take with you into the apocalypse.
“From Darkness there is Light.”
Although technically any high percentage spirit would do I feel tequila will at least have you wallowing in fear, terror and grief in style, unlike those classless vodka drinkers. Even the bottles help cheer you up with those little hats! Not only will Tequila help you while away the hellish hours in a drunken stupor, if you don’t drink it all then you have the perfect Molotov Cocktail right there in your drunken, uncoordinated hand. If you DO drink it all then at least you will be passed out and numb when the zombies come to nom on you.
For those that at least want to stay conscious for the apocalypse. Tequila is not for all, however everyone needs something to help ease the pain of imminent death. Guinness is your boy, labelled ‘liquid bread’ this stuff could sustain you for weeks – it works for the Irish!
Although fresh meat will soon become hard to find, getting a bit of steak in you while you can is a good idea. Not only will the protein help you build important mutant-fighting muscle, but steak is ALWAYS a good idea. It also gives you something to throw at oncoming zombies to distract them.
“Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?”
Enjoy the small things. Everyone has to have something to go on living for. Yours might not be twinkies, but make sure to find something worth focussing your efforts on – I think Paul’s might be fudge, or marshmallows… or candyfloss…. Or haribo…..
5) Tinned Fruit Cocktail
Unless you take shelter in an orchard, fresh fruit will soon become a thing of the past. Fear not however for there will always be tinned fruit cocktail – providing you with all the vitamins and syrup you could want. The best bit for me has always been fishing out the little bits of cherry, but everyone has their favourite bit!
I imagine once the world has ended most people will not be up for drinking a beverage called ‘monster’ and the remaining population will finally discover something I myself have known for a long time – Relentless is the king of energy drinks. Providing you with everything you need to run from zombies all day, YES it is unhealthy and YES high levels of consumption over a long period of time may have adverse side effects, but when you need energy, calories and caffine quick, this baby is your best option. Plus now it contains 50% fruit juice – that makes it healthy right?
8) Salt, herbs and spices.
When people begin desperately hording supplies, the one thing they leave on the shelves will be herbs and spices. These however could make a very unappetising and yucky meal become at least vaguely palatable. Yummy food stuffs will soon become a thing of the past, but a little salt can go a long way to helping the slop go down. Plus all that sweating from constant fleeing for your life will leave your body very salt-less – need to top it up from somewhere.
Failing the occasional can of scavenged fruit salad our vitamin intake will probably be pretty low, we will need to keep our bodies healthy if we hope to make it through the apocalypse. Therefore it is important to keep taking multi-vitamins to compensate for our likely limited diet of tinned goods and rice.
10) Army Ration packs
If you can get hold of them these are the things to have. They contain a balanced, ludicrously high-calorie meal and have pretty much no expiration date. Unless you are lucky they aren’t necessarily something you will likely bump into, but if you do these things are your best possible source of a healthy, nutritious meal post-Armageddon.